sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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