so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
