That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
