is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I met the friendliest cop last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
