matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
