I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
