I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
