Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
