how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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