How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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