Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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