"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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