Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
