I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
