Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
