he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In America we eat man semen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
