this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
