apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
