So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
