im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
