Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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