please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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