apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
