Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
