my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
