I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
