You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
