Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
