The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
