she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
