Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
