I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
