The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
