Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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