I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
