Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
