it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
