good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
