worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
