I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
