i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
