Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
