in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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