i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
