he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
