i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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