I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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