he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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