Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
