as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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