hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
