Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
