At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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