Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
