If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
