I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
