I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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