Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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