I'll bet she douches with gravy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
